Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Take Three...

So. Our journey to Josiah was quite an experience. I was determined when I met Bryan that we would adopt our firstborn. When he told me he wanted to marry me, I made it clear what that would entail. God had put adoption on my heart and there was nothing I wanted more than to start forming our family that way. I had no clue how beautiful and heart breaking and tragic and triumphant God would make that journey evolve.

Josiah is doing fantastic - loves kindergarten - loves baseball - superheroes - legos, chickens, farmlife, reading, and star wars. He loves to snuggle, put his boots on and do chores with daddy, draw pictures in his sketchbook, go to disney with our annual passes, play on his leappad and kindle, and wrestle with Kizito.

So... We had decided after Josiah was home for at least a year we would start a journey to a baby in the belly child. It wasn't long after trying that I was pregnant. Pregnancy has always come smoothly for the women through my mom's line. It always surprises me when I hear of miscarriages and pregnancy trouble because I never thought it was that common if you go by the family experiences up my maternal line. So I wasn't too surprised when I saw that first positive test but I was excited. Far more excited than I thought I would be with my little heart all wrapped up in the real miracle of adoption. :)

Counting back we realized I might be further along than we first thought so when I called my ob she wanted me to come in for an ultrasound to check the timeframe. From there it was a whirlwind of scary solemn faces and daily bloodwork for weeks, which turned into months and the eventual diagnosis of an ectopic pregnancy. After a dose of methotrexate (a chemo drug they use to stop ectopic pregnancies if they catch it before surgery is necessary), and a torturous diet for a vegetarian to adhere to, and a lot of tears, it was over. I remember one night laying in bed and I had this thud hit my heart and the feeling of death passing out, that was the last day my numbers climbed, so I was sure that was the night it ended.

The OB assured me it was ok, and common, and the great news is I had no risk factors for ectopic and since I had become pregnant so easily it was a good sign I would soon be pregnant with a properly positioned baby in my uterus rather than the tube. But I would have to wait for quite a few cycles before trying again to allow the chemo to completely leave my body and allow my vitamins to build back up etc.

Fast Forward to October of 2014 when I found another positive test. I was way more nervous this time knowing what was possible but very hopeful. The extreme morning sickness signaling to me that my hormones were quickly rising were very encouraging. I had been directed to call the OB as soon as I had another positive so they could ensure early monitoring and no danger to my tubes in case of another ectopic. But let me tell you - when you have had an ectopic and hear that silence when they look at what should be something and see nothing in the right place on an ultrasound... nothing makes you squirm like seeing the US tech walk in.

I was even more encouraged at the OB when my numbers looked good and were doubling as they should be. Unfortunately they eventually stopped doubling, that dreaded thud of numbers that hit you like a ton of bricks. This one went further, in fact I was 12 weeks when they ended up performing a D&C and Methotrexate at the hospital to terminate the ectopic pregnancy.

When these things happen you question everything. Was it the slightly spicy food I ate that one night? Did I move too much? Did I move too little? Whats wrong with me? But all along the way I had the love of my life supporting and protecting me, and the sweetest little boy in the world to snuggle with, and my God who kept a peace in me.

Fast forward to my OB recommending me to a reproductive specialist to run a number of tests since my risk of another ectopic now outweighs the risk of not having an ectopic... All tests show nothing that could be causing these ectopics. At one point the doctor mentions maybe one tube might be raised a tiny bit higher that could be causing it but nothing definitive. Amazing to me with all that is medically and technically possible that they cant fix such a thing, or find out how to prevent it... Anyhow... the end result is... you can try again but it is dangerous and unadvisable. Or we can skip the tube process and place it in the uterus for you... in other words IVF.

So part of us want to run back to an adoption journey and leave this crazy ivf and pregnancy garbage behind, and the other part of us know that if we want to do this, now is the time. As we can adopt for many more years, but will only have viable belly baby resources for a limited number of years.... And since our doctor is willing to let us do this in such a way that does not destroy any lives, we are on board.

So, they found us to be good candidates with good resources. Since moving out to the farm we have been raising chickens... hens... for eggs... so now I need to follow their lead and my job for the next couple weeks is to make as many big awesome eggs as possible.

Today I had my preop appointment for the egg aspiration. Tonight I started my first dose of injectable medicines. One shot in each thigh tonight. The first one hurt a little as the liquid squeezed in but the second was super easy.

It's scary for sure. I purposely did not read the side effects of the meds I am on. Knowing me I will magically start feeling every single effect that I read and will start freaking out. So, I am getting over my fear of needles by actually giving myself a bunch of injections every evening. It is super intimidating, but it should all be over in a couple weeks and then we just wait for the fun part.

So keep me in your prayers. This whole belly baby thing is quite a miracle when it works to be honest. We are hoping that the third time is the charm and that the LORD has one more miracle up his sleeve for us.

Counting our Blessings :)



[This was written in 2015 and left in a draft but im going to go ahead and publish it - anyhow that first ivf cycle did not go as planned and due to my left ovary being too close to a major artery were not able to get enough eggs to make a successful conception occur... Since then we have done some more tests and surgeries to determine that i had one ovary with a Serous cyst adenoma which they removed and is good to go, the other ovary is unusable and is adhered to a location that pulls it way too high to create a normal pregnancy and they were unsuccessful in their attempts to separate it. so end result is we will do one more try of ivf with the one ovary and see what happens - faithful that God can make miracles and at peace with His overseeing of this process.]









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