Friday, July 6, 2012

Peace

It is hard to explain this kind of peace. The kind of peace that comes from having this journey behind you. It came to mind recently how this really felt. I felt like while we were in it, from beginning until the moment we got off that plane... that at any moment the phone would ring and someone would be giving us news that broke our hearts. It happened more than once. And no matter which program we were in, I always felt like at any moment the phone would ring and my heart would once again break in to a million pieces.

I feel like I was holding my breath for two years. I felt like I had let out the exhale two years in the making. I could care less where my phone is (other than when an adorable kodak moment pops up). I could care less when it rings, I don't get a pit in my stomach waiting for caller id to pop up. I don't wait for a call hoping it bears good and not bad news. There is no pending doom feeling. The phone rings or doesn't ring but it doesnt hold me captive.




My days are filled with this boy who has this smile that makes my whole body sigh. When he yells "mammy mammy" and reaches for me it finally feels as it should be. When he just wants to sit and rock and soothe on the neckline of my shirt, it is how it should be. When we sit on the floor and let the cars in our hands talk to each other, it is how it should be. When we cuddle under the covers watching little bear, it is finally as it should be.

Next week we get to finalize so he will officially be our son in the eyes of the state of Florida. He will legally be as if he was born biologically to us. But from the moment we laid eyes on him and he came and hugged me, he was ours. It was as it should be.

On another note of peace - I am ordering this webcam while I am in fear he will one day try to climb out of the crib and hurt himself in the fall. Rather than worrying about that and losing the peace I am so happy to have - I am putting this in the nursery so I can have eyes on him at every moment. There is even a free iphone app that comes with it so I can watch him on my pc or on my iphone home or not. WOOT!

D-Link DCS-932L mydlink-Enabled Wireless-N Day/Night Network Camera

4 comments:

  1. I can completely relate. I got a new phone a few weeks ago and didn't even bother to change the ring tone for WHFC!! And I'm impressed that you've already completed your finalization. I just got the paperwork to our attorney last week. You rock!

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  2. Absolutely beautiful. So glad I got to take this journey with you and watch God work his mighty miracles!!

    Give that boy of yours a hug and kiss for me!

    Blessings
    Suzanne

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  3. Love this post. I am so happy for you that you have total and complete peace on having your son home. I remember the first adoption meeting Kevin and I went to after having longed for a second child for over twenty years, and when the speaker said when talking about international adoption, "You can soon have the child you have longed for," I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Have the child in my arms that I had so desired for so very long?? How could that be? But in two and half short years from hearing that statement, we brought home Philip from China. Now, four years later from bringing home Philip, we have Eli and Sophia home. Praising God for his leading so we could be united with the children we were meant to have all along. So at peace that they are finally home. Joyful for you as well.

    janet and gang

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  4. soo happy you have your little guy in your arms forever!! i don't check my bloggers like i used to so i missed out!! congrats on being a family....a complete family. :0) blessings to you and yours.

    Kendra

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