Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Journey To Healing :: Part Four

My Journey To Healing Part Three brought me to a place where I could not only recognize my overstepping my role in my family, but to where I could trust Mr Awesome to take his role.

The very next day after Part Three, I was at a surprise birthday party for one of my old youth kids and the last bit of this teaching came. I was so excited about parts 1, 2, and 3, that I was telling the story of them to two friends of mine, M and S. S told me to write it all down right away while it was vivid in my memory (this blog is drawn from those notes). S also told me that one day the Lord had planned to have me in front of a number of women speaking to them about this experience (remember im an introvert - scary - hope its faaar down the road). She then told me that the Lord had shown her that I was healed from my fear of flying.

I thought that she was just drawing from my story and making an assumption but the next day I asked her and she said no, that it was done and it had already happened the night before. I came home excited and talked to my bloggy bestie and she told me that she had prayed for me and my fear of flying that very morning and had pictured me flying in a plane and smiling.

Now, since then I often wonder what would happen if I got in a plane. I will say that seeing a plane in a picture used to freak me out to the point of shaking. Lately I have found myself looking forward to getting on a plane and even getting excited about it.

I don't doubt that God can heal me or you or anyone of anything. I don't doubt that my two friends have very close relationships with the Lord and tend not to speak out of turn when it comes to that. But over and over and over I find myself wondering if they were right, or if I could somehow mess it all up. One thing is for sure. I am getting on a plane sometime in the future.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

C4C and Delivered

so today at 830am kampala time, our dossier was delivered. praise the Lord - it made its journey successfully. :)

at the c4c retreat since yesterday. so so good. so far ive been through african haircare, the blogger panel, worship time, session 1 with dr hillis, and the movie from light gives heat. also am excited to see so many familiar faces from our cozy lil bloggy world. my fave part so far was definitely worship time. there is something about standing with 400 other women with hearts for adoption, worshiping the Lord in song with arms raised... it takes your breath away. what a blessed time... wow.

I am most excited for our date with God tomorrow but also the PJ party panel sounds fun too. But the DWG time last year... wow... well it was the beginning of my journey to healing... so so good. can't wait for what the Lord has for me this year :)

Thursday, January 19, 2012


I feel a bubble of excitement in my throat. So many cool things right now. So thankful.

  • Thankful for the situation God has provided with S.P. - so amazing

  • Thankful for the time of relaxation and fellowship I am looking forward to next week

  • Thankful for the opportunities with DM, HC, & RA for FW

  • Thankful for our quick completion of dossier that will be shipped out on Saturday

  • Thankful for my husband who loves so fully and serves so selflessly

  • Thankful for my bestie

  • Thankful for scarves and hoodies in this freezing cold office

  • Thankful the voip system is holding up today

Monday, January 16, 2012

Be Still and Know I AM God

Remember this post?

Well, I commemorated it in my living room...

Pantry Project

I fought against Pinterest for a long time. I heard murmurs of it but knew the last thing I needed was another distraction. I caved last week. And covet I did. I did, though, find some fun inexpensive projects for the house. I did the first one this weekend. Reorganized my kitchen pantry.

Before (dont judge)


Be jealous of my purple pantry :)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Words from Him

Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalms 37:4

When I started this blog up I chose that scripture for the bottom of the page. Lets read into it a little. On first glance it could seem a little Joel Osteenish, delight in the Lord and he will give you what you want... Rather, I believe the intention is that if you get closer to the Lord, find your joy in Him, spend time with Him, seek Him, read His words, talk to Him, listen to Him... that He will give you the desires of your heart, but your heart will be changed by your relationship with him. So what you want - won't be the same.

With a distant relationship to the Lord, it is easy to desire things of this world... money, big houses, cars, success, respect, fame, etc. The closer we are to Him, the more we want what He wants... justice, peace, love, joy, family, relationships, salvation... And it is His joy to give those to us. He delights in blessing us in those ways. When I hand-make a Christmas present for someone that takes a long time to make, when the time comes to physically hand the gift over I get so excited. When my fingers bled for months cross-stitching a framed piece for my mom, I was giddy about handing it to her and seeing her joy. Imagine how the Lord must feel when He has already suffered and done the work of the sacrifice and it comes time for Him to "hand" us salvation. Amazing.

I started my life very spoiled and selfish. I grew up in a family that for the most part gave me way more than a child should have. I have, even as an adult, had people balk at my last name (before I was blessed with a much better one) knowing of my family. While it could have been worse, the spoiling, worldliness, selfishness certainly started me off on a self involved way of thinking. Like everyone, I battle with my former self at times. But for the most part... I am not who I was. One of the most telling signs of a changed self is recognizing different desires, desires that often made no sense, and created mocking and condescension. Oh how that takes a toll on pride ;) The Lord began to put things on my heart. For a time it was to work with youth. Whereas children would annoy me and I would avoid them, suddenly I wanted nothing more than to spend all my free time being their friend, someone to talk to, and someone they could trust and rely on. For about 6 years my life was youth ministry. and I loved it. Then the Lord slowly started to speak to me about adoption. Before I knew it my heart was practically screaming at me about the fatherless. Every where I read in the bible the words were jumping off the page at me.

Adoption was not something I was much familiar with in my young life. I never dreamed as a child of mothering a child born of another. I was under the impression adoption was something you did if you couldn't have "your own". Can I tell you how much I hate that term "your own" now? Anyhow, the Lord grew this passion in me and soon I could barely speak about adoption without my eyes filling up. The Lord also built this passion in my husband. So blessed. So we are hoping and praying that He will indeed give us the desire of our hearts.

This weekend I found the matching verse. I secretly plan to purchase thisafter the promise is fulfilled and hang it in the room.

For this child I have prayed; and the Lord has granted me the desires of my heart.
1 Samuel 1:27

Friday, January 6, 2012

It comes from within...

I was listening to some Andy Stanley podcasts recently and was able to go through his series on "It Came From Within". If you have a chance to pick up the book (It Came from Within!: The Shocking Truth of What Lurks in the Heart
) or listen to the podcasts, I highly recommend it.

The teachings were one of those things where it takes something you know and expounds it in a way you never thought about it before. We have all felt anger, guilt, jealous, greed before in our life. Sometimes it comes and goes and sometimes it sticks around and gets stuck in our heart - affecting every other area of our life. As we know, these feelings - however righteous we may feel we are in them - are what hurts our lives, our relationships, our health, the ones we love... Well Andy also gives us the tools to fight against these toxic feelings.

Anger - He explains that anger is a feeling that says "you owe me". In some way you have wronged me and now you owe me. You have to fix what you have broken. The problem here is that the person can rarely fix it. If your father left when you were little, and you have anger at him, you believe he owes you, as he rightly does for messing up your childhood. However, can he ever really fix it? He can apologize, he can turn his life around, but he can never truly fix it. He can't give you your childhood back. How do you fix this feeling? Forgive. Cancel the debt.

Greed = He explains that greed is a feeling that says "I owe me". How do you fight greed? By giving generously.

Jealousy = He explains that jealousy is a feeling that says "God owes me". How do you fight jealousy? By celebrating other people's successes.

Guilt = He explains that guilt is a feeling that says "I owe you". How do you fight guilt? Confess your transgressions. To the offended if possible.

I definitely could see how this has worked in my life in the past. And am excited to use the tools to address hurts and emotions like this in the future. :)