Monday, December 5, 2011

Held

So do not fear, for I am with you; 
   do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 
I will strengthen you and help you; 
   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Is 41:10 

We painted this on the wall of the nursery. I think the Lord had us put it there more for us than for anything. LOL. We have needed the Lord's strength this year in ways beyond what we expected. We knew it would be a year of trials, but I don't imagine we planned on the level of pain and disappointment that was waiting for us.

We expected to be home in the early part of this year with a little one from Ethiopia. We didn't imagine it would be December and we would still be waiting for a referral with 2 major domestic disruptions and 3 minor. We didn't imagine we would love and care for a baby and then have him taken away. We didnt expect to be just the two of us this Christmas.

But God did. God knew and expected and prepared us.

Since the day I married mr awesome I never once questioned that decision. When we were attached at the hip our first year and longed for every second with each other... people told us, oh that will last about a year tops... Nope. At almost 4 years I still long for every moment in his arms. Though I enjoy spending time with friends and others, when mr awesome is not near me I count the minutes until he is. When I am sad or stressed or angry, nothing comes close to the comfort I feel when he wraps me up in his arms like a burrito and holds me.

Well one thing does... the peace that transcends all understanding.

I consider myself weak. I have big eyes and a small stomach. I have high hopes but I tremble with fear at the idea of them. Little things can be a big effort for me as I fight the fear that paralyzes. With Christ, I am strong. With Christ WE are strong. With the peace that transcends all understanding... we are unstoppable.

We are held. Not just held, but upheld in the righteous right hand of the king of kings. In times of loss when we feel this peace, and we know we are held, that is our strength.

So today as we mourn a loss, we are also experiencing this sense of peace. I feel held. In the way that my husband wraps me up in a burrito exemplifying his savior, I feel the Lord doing that for me today. And I know, even when I don't feel held, its only because I am closing my eyes to his touch.

And so we thank the Lord and remember all that He has done and IS doing for us.

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